the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
