It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I believe in your delicious
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
