She said her name was "party"
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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