Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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