he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
