Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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