It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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