Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
