is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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