I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
