College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
