Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
