i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
