Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
