woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
