Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
