My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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