so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize