it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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