every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
