My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
