If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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