So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
