So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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