just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
