I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
