dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
