You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Someone signed my nipple.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
