her vagine was all disorganized.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
