i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
