i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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