I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
