He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
