I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My life is pants optional.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
