Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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