I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
