i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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