i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
