He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
