oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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