Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
