You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
