im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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