Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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