Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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