feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you mean i was at the winter classic?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
