My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
