I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
