dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
