I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
