im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
