Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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